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Reality Check » 2011» October

Archive for October, 2011

Scary Stuff-Happy Halloween!

Monday, October 31st, 2011

Today I’m going to talk about scary stuff. The scariest of them all that I could talk about and am an expert at is My Mind.

No body knows My MInd better than me. If psychologists and psychiatrists poked and prodded around My Mind I am quite sure they would become insane.

The really big question is how is it that I don’t go insane with the mind that I have?

People reading my Facebook comments have stopped questioning me about my postings because they just don’t make sense to them. Let the crazy person ramble. Just like the homeless “bum” muttering to himself in the streets.

My MInd is a Miracle. How else to explain what it sees. My MInd, you see, easily understands concepts. It’s not into details and specifics. I read a complicated book on physics, or cosmology, or religion, and I can associate the “grand” concepts. My Mind remembers the concepts, not the specifics and details. That might be the reason I have a hard time making others see and understand what I know. How do you summarize grand concepts from 1000’s of pages of stuff I’ve read into one or two line “sound bites” or “Tweets”.

That’s also the reason that I probably go off in divergent tangents each time I have a conversation about my life and what I do. My life, like My Mind, is about grand concepts and ideas that diverge in numerous direction like a multidimensional spider-web.

My Mind, like My Life can only be understood by me. Actually, by some strange Law of the Universe, the one only other person who seemed to truly understand me is the one person who is not in it (physically), Pranee. I’ve made numerous mentions that we connected at a level that is difficult to explain. Yes, we verbalized each other’ thoughts. We understood each other without speaking. We were/are, in a lot of ways, a reflection of each other. Mirror images.

My Mind doesn’t just SEE, it KNOWS. My Journey the past few years has provided me with information that would have taken a lifetime to understand if all I would have done is read. By discovering the information by actually experiencing the theories the learning curve was much steeper.

I could post non stop on Twitter and on Facebook the thoughts and ideas that pass through My Mind. It would all seem like random ramblings. I rarely, if ever, get my postings “liked” on Facebook and no one re-tweets my Twitter posts, but that’s not the purpose. the reason. I don’t even get “real” comments on my blog.

None of that is important. Really! My life is what my life is. My Mind is what My Mind is. Peace and Freedom is what you achieve when you arrive at a point where nothing matters anymore. Once you arrive at the point where nothing matters anymore, only then, can you realize that the one only thing remaining that actually does matter is LOVE. At that point you are completely empowered because nothing can dis-empower you. Once you realize that you have nothing to lose then nothing anyone else does, matters. Then you are completely free. You have no reasons to fear anything.

After this point all that you receive is a gift, a bonus. You’ve had nothing. You can go back to nothing.

Yes, having Pranee “run away” from me hurt like hell and it “broke my heart”. She didn’t die. She’s still out there, somewhere. There’s the saying, “It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all”. It’s all Bull Shit.

If we don’t know what we don’t know than, than we can’t miss what we’ve never had. Try going from owning and driving a Ferrari to only being able to afford a rusted out Ford Fiesta. Or, living in Beverly Hills and ending up in the slums of Calcutta. Can our mind adapt to the changes? Yes. Would we enjoy it? I doubt it.

My Mind is a scary place because I know that I am a genius (according to some psychological tests), that it can understand scientific, medical and spiritual concepts that baffle many great minds, but that there is one concept that I fail to understand from a logical and common sense perspective.

My MInd is a Scary place because the one thing it cannot comprehend is Love.

Love does not come from the mind. Love is the only, one true feeling. All the other feelings come from the mind. Don’t believe me. Think about it. But then, maybe only My Mind can understand that concept. If you don’t understand the Tao Te Ching, than really, what can you understand?

Happy Halloween Every Body!

Choices and Conundrums

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

It’s been a week full of choices and conundrums.

I’ve been reading a book called, The Second Book of the Tao, written by Stephen Mitchell. We all know that the first book of the Tao is the Tao Te Ching, written by Lao-tzu (6th century B.C.) The conundrum is that there is no second book of the Tao. None was ever written. But I’m reading it. How can I be reading something that doesn’t exist? If you can understand how something that doesn’t exist can exist in another form than in the form that we believe that it should exist then you are far along the (non)-path towards being a Master.

It is in understanding the Tao that we come to know that life is really just a conundrum.

def. Conundrum


  1. A confusing and difficult problem or question
  2. A question asked for amusement, typically one with a pun in its answer; a riddle

Yes, life is a riddle. My life is a riddle.

I was going to start writing this, after much procrastination, delay, or maybe, the time just wasn’t right to write, when I decided to moderate some comments that were waiting to be posted to some of my prior blog entries. Instead of moderating I decided to re-read one of my entries from May 2009, Sorcery, Monsters…and Jesus!

I’m reading what I wrote and I’m thinking about my recent past. I’m thinking about me and Pranee. I’m thinking about what happened between Pranee & I. I’m thinking about how what I wrote two and one half years ago because of someone else, could have also been written at any time in the past few months because of Pranee. The situations were different but the outcome the same. Same same, but different!

I am where I am because of the choices that I’ve made in the past. But, is that correct? What if it’s our future that decides what happens in the past? My friend Deb goes to these seminars put on by a group called Landmark Education. I attended one of the evening sessions(for friends of the participants) and remember them emphasizing that point, that it’s our future that impacts our present. As an aside, I was trying to find their website link when I came across a search find about the group being a cult or a scam. Here’s a link to a well written blog on the Landmark Forum.

How does our future impact our present? Think about that. Think about the choices that you make every single moment of every single day. The decision you make now isn’t based on what you want to happen in the past, the decisions you make today are being made to decide what you want or where you want to be in the future. That said, is it not, then, our future that decides our past? Is the present not tomorrow’s past?

What about events that are out of our control? What about that car accident you were just in. Did you just choose to be in that car accident? Being diagnosed with cancer? Choice? Fate? Our future self controlling our lives? Some higher being deciding what’s “best” for us?

Yesterday I went for a walk along the waterfront in downtown Nanaimo. There, as I’m walking along the pier, I get asked for some change from Jack. Jack doesn’t lie. He mustn’t be. He kept on insisting that all that he was saying was the truth. Jack isn’t homeless since he lives in a cheap motel. Receives a $900 per month disability pension. Doesn’t drink or do drugs. When he was 10 his dad bought him and his brother a BB gun. His dad said, “Be careful, you could lose an eye!” Well, guess what happened? Yes, he lost an eye. Had a glass eye most of his life but it was uncomfortable so he took it out. He showed me his eye socket. We chatted for about an hour about Jack’s life. Jack is quite intelligent. His daughter lives in northern Ontario and makes over $40 an hour. I ask him why he doesn’t live with her instead of alternating between the street and budget motels. He says, “We all need to live our own lives”. Choices!

Less than $2.00 in change gave me some valuable information. Jack’s life had an unfortunate accident, a ricocheting pellet that took his right eye away, that stopped him from working in the mines in Sudbury where he grew up. That accident allowed Jack to have had some life experiences he never would have had if he had stayed in Sudbury, such as being a radio announcer in White Horse, NWT.

The question remains, “Choices! Is it our future that decides what happens in the past?”

My choices. In Nanaimo for 2 weeks now applying for accounting jobs. Over a dozen job applications and no responses. I am a trained accountant. But I worked all my life for the Federal government in the tax department. All the jobs I’ve applied for require public practice or industry experience, which I don’t have. I also don’t lie. My resume shows that for the past 5 years I’ve tried making a living as a writer, photographer. and world traveler. I’ve also indicated that I left the Federal Government job for health reasons.

How do you prove to someone that you can do a 9 to 5 job, 5 days a week, when, for the past 5 years, most of what I’ve done is do stuff when I feel like it? I wouldn’t hire ME!

That’s the conundrum. I am at a point in my life where I cannot do anything different than what I am currently doing. I see it, though, I doubt anyone else can see that because they’re missing information and/or don’t see things as I see them. And, What am I doing?

I once told God/The Universe that I wanted to follow in Jesus Christ’s and Buddha’s footsteps. That I wanted to be the 21st Century version of these enlightened Masters. As I read through the Second Book of the Tao, I listen to the sage advice of Master Chuang-tzu and Master Chung Yung and I know, I see, I feel, that the knowledge of days long past is within me.

This knowledge makes no sense to the logical, common sense person that I am. But that is why I know that I am right and that I am also wrong. The Master knows what cannot be explained. It makes no sense.

Jack, Jack Smack (he said he doesn’t lie so that must be his name), has to leave and says, “Paul, you are a very nice guy”. Plus a few other accolades. Yes I am, because I have no problem spending an hour or two talking with a “homeless” person, or anybody else. But then, I am also very selfish. Balance!

Life is about Balance!

Think It! Feel It! Live It! Love It!


Friday, October 21st, 2011

Two days ago I’m sitting in a Starbucks in Nanaimo reading a book on 2012, called 2012:Science or Superstition by Alexandra Bruce. I’m reading, take a break, do some more reading, then put the book down. The guy sitting across from me asks me if that’s my car parked outside. I answer yes. We start chatting. My car caught his eye (I wonder why). He saw my website address on the car and “checked me out”. He reviewed my website and commented that it was very well designed (many thanks to my nephew the graphic artist), though, he says, I hadn’t updated it lately (yes, that procrastination issue, or, my “excuse”, Everything gets done when the time is right!).

Wayde was a bookseller and currently is “reinventing” himself. He states that sales of published books, hard and soft cover, are dropping and there’s an increase in eBooks. Thus, bookstores such as Chapter’s/Indigo and Barnes and Noble may one day go the way of video stores such as Blockbuster. I doubt that will happen soon. We all seem to enjoy holding that paperback while lying on the beach. Also, didn’t they also say that about newspapers a few years back?

Wayde is now a Social Media Consultant . Wayde helps companies be in the Top 5 when searches are done by tweaking their web and Facebook pages. I try and stay informed and already know that the best way to get “known” is through the internet. He’s re-affirming what I know but I haven’t, completely, been doing. The last major change on Facebook is going in this direction for businesses.

Now you all know why I’ve (re)started blogging. I’ve finally set up a Twitter account. Though, in the past few days I still haven’t figured out how following or having 1000’s of followers on my account can actually help my business. If you’re following 100, 1000, or 10,000 fellow Tweeters, how do you actually have time to read the stuff being Tweeted?

I’ve linked my Facebook, Twitter and Website together and will link my Travel Blog as soon as I start (re)writing in it. Though, if I’m writing in a travel blog I should be traveling, don’t you think?

Now that brings me to the issue of money. Why does life always seem to revolve around money?

I have very little, or no money. But money still does trickle in when I really need it (yes, people wonder how that happens. Maybe one day I’ll timeline the running out and replenishment sources to prove I haven’t been lying). I’ve noticed this pattern that’s developed in my life, especially this past year. The pattern is that I run out of money and more comes in when I’ve figured out where I’m suppose to be and when I’m supposed to be somewhere else. The extremely difficult part about living like this is choices. I KNOW that this pattern exists, but on what and when am I suppose to spend the money that I have so that this actually happens? I also have all these thoughts and ideas about where I might need to be and what I should be doing next. But which place is the “right place” and “when” am I suppose to be there?

Time and Space!

Time and Space is relative. That means I am never wrong, philosophically speaking. Using the Law of Attraction I create my life with my thoughts. My thoughts create my life. But I have so MANY thoughts. How does the Universe know which ones should be created?

Now! The Past! The Future! The Present! It really is all NOW!

I’m not “making” money because I already have the money that I need to do what I need to do. Or do I?

The World is a changing. A change in consciousness is really happening. 2012? Let’s wait and see.

Me? I’m looking for a “real” job these days. I’m doing what society wants me to do. I’ve had my fun traveling the world the past 5 years. It’s time to pay off the bank, credit card companies and the federal government. But there’s another pattern that I’m aware of in my life. What’s that?

My plans never go the way I plan them!

God…The Universe…The One Power already know and are making what’s suppose to happen, happen.

Think It! Feel It! Live It! Love It!

PS. My family better get use to it. I have no control over my life. But then, neither does anyone else. And people think I’m the crazy one!